Wow, as I sit here ready to begin this blog, I must say I for sure never thought it would be for this reason. Of course, while pregnant with our (My husband Jeff and me) beautiful son, Hayden James, I kept track of his every ultrasound, movement, my cravings, my belly shots; all via blog. And when he was born sleeping at 28 weeks 5 days, I continued to blog every so often about my grieving process and the moments we endeavored as a family during that time. I even began a blog about the little angel I miscarried (there were two, but the second I didn't begin a blog). But to think that this time...this time we WILL end up with a baby in the end. My dream is finally going to come true: I will finally be a mother. I don't know when, I don't know to whom, but I do know that it will happen this time.
Beginning the adoption process I have mixed feelings. Will I love this child enough? Will we be able to afford it? Will this child love me? Will I be a good mom? I am excited, nervous, ecstatic, scared...feeling a little bit bipolar at the moment. Some people have asked me why I have "given up" on getting pregnant. My answer? Biology has nothing to do with being a mother. After the loss of three children, I have decided to wholeheartedly accept that adoption is the way I will become a mother. I have felt the feeling of being pregnant...I know what it feels like and it is amazing. However, being a mother is what I want, even more than being pregnant.
This evening we have an informational orientation at Infant of Prague adoption services. We will be able to find out more about the process, what to expect, ask questions, and find out what this agency is all about. I have heard many good stories about this agency and am looking forward to meeting with them. As soon as I get home I will post an update about our experience there. Is this a for sure thing? No. But getting the process 'rolling' is extremely exciting. Just the mere possibility that Infant of Prague may be 'it' for us is enough for me. Until then, feel free to check out the website: http://infantofprague.org
Wish us luck and prayers are always welcome!
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